July 24, 2008
Ever had the feeling that no matter what you do, you are going to be destroyed? Has your mind ever wandered in the realms of the state where victory or defeat, achievement or failure, cease to matter? Have you ever been damned? I feel I am.
Very funny, this damned feeling, you know. It creeps up on you surreptitiously, ever silent, though you have a hint it’s lurking in the background. And before you know it, it’s out in the open. It’s the feeling a murderer has when he kills for the first time, a hitman has when he pulls the trigger at his first victim, the hangman has when he sends the first of his charges to death or freedom, your choice. It is the feeling that says, no matter what I do hence, to absolve myself of my sins, to undo what I may have done or undone, I’m damned. There is no turning back, there is no running away. You’ve got to face it. You are damned.