Good Morning – Joke For The Day!!!
August 14, 2009
Boy, Oh Boy, Oh Boy…
What a week, what a week!!! It has been one of the most gruelling weeks I’ve ever had, maybe only second to the one in which I slapped a Mexican Bull on its hinds, rode in the Spanish Rodeo, slept with a Venezuelan super-model, ate at Four Seasons in New York, did a drug deal with a cartel in Colombia, traded porno with the Thai Mafia (don’t ask me for wat ), had a fishing-cum-leisure trip atop my yacht in Nice, and managed to avert a nuclear holocaust by Dubya Bush on Iran (by far the easiest job, as I gave him an Indian Jain Restaurant’s Number and asked him to order a Jain Chicken Schezwan Pizza with Sushi Toppings), all in one week. Now, don’t go asking me what I did this week to top that, but let it suffice that in a week that our nation and the other nation celebrate their Independence Days can hardly be termed uneventful. and to top all that, you all must’ve known by now, that Pigs can fly, and how I’m assisting our Government in catching pigs and roasting them and exhorting people do to the same.
Ah, Independence!!! Well, last Independence had brought out a real independence for me, fro something that was bugging me for long. Though now I dunno if that freedom was worth all the pain and struggle and tears and bloodshed. Something like our nations freedom. I wonder sometimes if our forefathers were to see us in flesh, coz I doubt that they won’t be able to see us from wherever they are, what would their thoughts be. Because of all nations that maybe deserve freedom, we aren’t that. Call me a cynic, an anti-national on Independence Day, but I’ll maintain my stand. And that stand will be maintained for one and one fact alone. None, I mean none of us, treat this nation as our own. When people litter in public, spit in public, tear of the cushions of seats in trains and public buses, disfigure the handle-bars of trains and the monuments of national heritage with the same impunity, all in the name of “This is public property, and we can do what we want”, then it is evident that this nation doesn’t belong to us. Neither me nor you. Coz everyone wants to possess it, use it, rape it, and disfigure it, for his/her personal gain, without letting the others get her. And there can be no Independence as long as this nation belongs to us. Coz we must belong to this nation. And I guess, we are a long, long way from there…
Happy Independence Day…
PS: From now on, these jokes can be seen on my blog too, as on popular request, I am putting them on my blog. I’ll be making a few customizations here and there, but for now, you can read them via email, as well as access them on-line. Also, I’m sending this mail for the first time to a group which comprises of my blog readers, but do not subscribe to the jokes, for reasons ranging from excessive laughter to downright disgust. Dear readers, if you cannot stomach these jokes, please do not read further. Your journey ends here. I repeat, do not read further. This mail is sent to you to inform you that I’ll be updating my blog everyday with these jokes. You would be interested in the introduction that goes with it. From tomorrow, you won’t be receiving this email, and it will go only to the subscribed minions who look up to me for hope and enlightenment in this despairing world. Thank you. Have fun. ENJOY!!!
Btw, Bush did get the Pizza he had ordered. By then, he had forgotten about bombing Iran, and was then replaced by Barack Obama, whose only claim to fame is trying to stop jobs being outsourced to India and outsourcing the Swine Flu to us instead. This just goes to show us the power of the Jain Restaurateur. Hail Chinese Bhel, Italian Dosa and Jain Chicken Schezwan Pizza with Sushi Toppings!!!
———————————————————————————————-Marriage & Tornado
What do Marriage and a Tornado have in common?
Well you start off with a lot of blowing and then sucking, and then next thing you know your house is gone!
———————————————————————————————-Human Interest Story
A young journalism student at the University of Tennessee was assigned to write a human interest story. He went into the mountains to do some research. There, he found an old farmer sitting on his porch, introduced himself, and explained his mission.
The young man asked, “Has anything ever happened around here that made you really happy?”
After a moment, the farmer said, “Yeah, one time my neighbor’s daughter, a fine looking gal, got lost. We formed a posse and found her. After we all screwed her, we took her back home.”
“I can’t print that!” the young man exclaimed. “Can’t you think of anything else that happened that made you happy?”
The farmer thought for a minute and smiled, “Yep! One time a neighbor’s sheep got lost. We formed a posse and found it. Then we all screwed it and took it back home.”
Again, the young man said “I can’t print that, either. Let’s try another approach. Has anything ever happened around here that made you really sad?”
The old farmer dropped his head as if he were ashamed, and after a few seconds he looked up timidly at the young man and said, “This one time, I got lost…”
A blonde and a brunette decided to rob a bank. They quickly devised a good plan and they put their plan to action.
The brunette drove up to the front of the bank that they had decided to rob. She turned to the blonde and asked her, “Now, do you remember what the plan is?”
The blonde sighed and replied, “Yeah, yeah, I remember…”
The brunette went over the plan once more and let the blonde out to do her stuff.
Before the blonde could shut the door, the brunette yelled out, “Be sure to be in and out in no more than 5 minutes!”
The blonde ran inside and the brunette waited in the car… and waited… and waited… and waited… and waited. After waiting for so long in the car, the blonde bursts out of the bank’s doors, the alarm blaring loud enough to wake everyone up. The blonde was lugging a bank safe behind her by a rope tied around it. A security guard ran out of the bank, his pants down around his ankles and attempting to reach his gun. The blonde breathed heavily as she tried to put the safe in the car but finally just gave up and dropped the safe behind. She ran into the passenger seat and pulled the door shut, the car already moving.
The security guard yelled, “Stop! Stop!” while the pair drove off, leaving the safe with rope tied tightly around it behind.
The brunette frantically asked the blonde, “What the hell happened in there?!?”
The blonde was panting and turned to the brunette and choked out, “What do you mean? I followed the plan exactly!”
The brunette paused and yelled, “YOU IDIOT! YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO TIE UP THE GUARD AND BLOW THE SAFE!”
And today we some hilarious images sent in by Mr. Tushar Chavan and his colleague, Mr. Anendu Bothra. ENJOY!!!