Good Morning – Joke For The Day
August 26, 2009
I know apologies are in order for the continued absence of me and my jokes. I know that by now you’ve been driven to the wall, have gone bald due to clutching at your hair in despair, probably peeled off the paint of your walls due to constant nail-scratching (eewwwww), and must’ve created a crater on your floor with all the banging you did. Withdrawal symptoms can be very dangerous.
Speaking of withdrawal, a few days back, we celebrated the 400th Anniversary of the invention of Galileo’s Telescope. Here was a man, a staunch Roman Catholic, who in his later years was convicted by the same church he followed, for heresy.The charge being – he tried to prove that the Earth revolves round the Sun, and not vice-versa. I wouldn’t know of this event unless Google chose to inform me with its brilliant Logo Morphing that it uses to signify events (God bless them). What is of importance here is – the voice of one man against many. I have been a firm advocate of democracy, but as Winston Churchill puts it, "Many forms of Government have been tried and will be tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends that democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time." But he also states this, "The biggest argument against democracy is a five minute discussion with the average voter." Any genius will never be a produce of the masses. No great good can come from a common thought, from a collective theory. Greatness is exclusivity, it stands alone, it asks for no support. The worst fear of democracy is turning into a mob. For contrary to expectations, the mob has a mind of its own. And its mind doesn’t ascribe to the ideals of its most wise individual, but rather scrounges to reach the levels of its worst creature. Because only then, can it accommodate all, and be reduced to a mob. A mob is never a collection of people, it is a reduction of ideas.
Why am I going off on this serious note? Just. Because I do not believe in norms. Maybe real laughter comes only from the absence of fear. Or whatever. Go figure.
Sven and Ole worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office.
When asked his occupation, Ole answered, "Panty Stitcher. I sew the elastic onto lady’s cotton panties."
The clerk looked up panty stitcher. Finding it classified as unskilled labor, she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Sven was asked his occupation. "Diesel fitter," he replied.
Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Sven $600 a week.
When Ole found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The Clerk explained "Panty stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor."
"What skill?" yelled Ole. "I sew the elastic on the panties, Sven puts them over his head and says: "Yeah, diesel fitter."
Two Aliens land in Detroit, next to a Gas station. The Aliens waddle out of their ship and look around. The first thing they see that resembles a being is the Gas pump. The two Aliens approach.
The first one says, "Earthling take me to your leader!"
He gets no response.
The first Alien looks at his buddy then addresses the pump again, "Earthling, I said Take me to your leader!"
Still no response.
The first Alien then turns to the second and says, "If this Earthling doesn’t show me some respect I’m going to blast him!"
The second Alien replies, "O.K. but, I’m just going to stand down on the next block."
The first Alien looks a little puzzled, but waits for the other to waddle to the next block. He then addresses pump a third time,"Earthling take me to your leader!"
The Alien then pulls out his ray-gun and shoots the pump…
After the explosion the Alien gets up, dusts himself off then goes down the block to his buddy.He then says to the second Alien, "If you knew that was going to happen why didn’t you warn me?"
The second replies, "I didn’t know what was going to happen, but I’m not going to mess with anyone who can hang his penis to the ground, wrap it around his body twice, and can still stick it in his ear!"
A blonde arrived for her first golf lesson and the pro asked her to take a swing at a ball to see how she’d do.
The blonde did so and completely duffed the shot.
The pro said, Your swing is good but you’re gripping the club too hard grip the club gently as you would your husband’s penis.
The blonde took another shot and nailed the ball 275 yards straight down the fairway.
The pro said That was excellent!! Let’s try it again, only this time take the club out of your mouth.