Drunken Realities

July 21, 2008

Heeeeeeeeeelllllllllllllllllllllllllllllooooooooooooooooooooo (hic-hic)

One question: How drunk how you been? Yes, you hear it right. I’m asking you exactly how drunk have you ever been in your long or short lifetime? One pint, two pints, a pitcher, a bottle??? Well, now I know I ain’t a big buzzard, but I’ve got some huge drinking extravaganzas to my credit. A whole bottle of Smirnoff at one time, and once, a plethora of drinks which included beginning with palm toddy, then having some whiskey, then some rum, then some beer, and finally a whole lotta vodka. Yeah baby!!! Alright, stop those wagging fingers and don’t give me those scandalized looks… A man has all the rights to get drunk once in a while – How else do you think he’ll cope with the many problems in his life – women, career, kids, friends, women, money, taxes, women…

Now you must be wondering why I’m putting you through this on a dreary Monday morning when your mind cannot focus beyond 5 words – I Want To Go Home? Well, I’m just gonna narrate to you one of the scariest incidents that happened to me. Have patience, sit back and relax. I won’t take much of your time.

Now this happened to me over the weekend. I was taking a leisurely catnap after a heavy Sunday lunch, which involved delicious home-made Mutton Biryani & a wonderfully chilled salad. And no drinks. In fact, I haven’t touched the stuff, not a drop has trickled down my throat to my liver for the past whole week. Damn!!! Well, to come back to the story, I was sleeping. And I saw myself in a nice house, with some friends and acquaintances, doing what I do best, drinking! I had downed 3 large pegs of Vodka (that’s it), before drifting off to sleep. And when I woke up, it was the strangest, bleariest spectacle I ever saw. When I looked down, I could see the ceiling, the fan, the chandelier, staring down at me, with a frown that boded ill for me. And when I looked up, I saw the shiny floor of black marble, smiling at me, or was it my reflection that smiled back at me? Woah!!! I had just three large pegs, man!!! This can’t be happening! And now I was totally confused. I mean, what was up and what was down? When I looked up, which meant bending my head at a 90 degree angle in the direction opposite to my feet, I could see my feet!!! Which meant I was looking down! And when I looked down, or so I thought, I could see the vast ceiling above, which essentially meant I was looking up. I was scared to no end! I shook my head, rubbed my eyes, and stared again. No change! No bloody change! And the cacophony of what passed for my friends’ laughter started to grow loud – damn them! Don’t they know I’ve handled more, that this is something stupid, someone’s fooling around with me. I tell them, “See I’m sober! Look, I can talk coherently!”, but to no avail. Till now I was frozen with fear, but I thought, well, if this has to end, I gotta do something. I feared that the moment I took the first step, I’d fall, walking as I was in thin air, hanging between the ceiling and the floor, who had changed positions to be diametrically opposite so as to confound me, confuse me. And the first step I took, well, landed me straight into my friend’s glass of whiskey, which turned and spilled, all over the floor. And I thought to myself, “Yes! I did it! The liquid spilled all over the floor, the actual floor. That means I’ve broken the spell!” And then I looked up, and saw my feet, and I knew I was doomed.

And then I woke up. In cold sweat. Scared to even get up and stand for fear of losing my balance. But I was fine. A nightmare on a balmy Sunday afternoon! OK, alright, yeah I got scared in a dream, so what? Haven’t you ever gotten scared? And it speaks well, as I don’t ever get scared in real life… But what scared me most was that I got drunk in my dream with just 3 large pegs!!! Just 3 to get me go bonkers!!! That’s not good for my reputation!! Don’t laugh, and get back to work! I’ll grab a cold one while I’m at it!!! Have a bad Monday for laughing at me 😛


One Response to “Drunken Realities”

  1. Melvin. Says:

    hv seen u going down in jst 3 beers.. n also hv funny pics of ur hangover..
    so not a big deal if u go down in 3 large vodkas.. hehe
    well it was indeed a scary dream haan!!

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